Laughters

Oct. 7th, 2012 12:04 pm
bardiphouka: (cheerful)
[personal profile] bardiphouka
Written for [livejournal.com profile] brigits_flame
Prompt: laughter
WC:166
Genre:poetry





An infant discovers sunlight
and fills the room with
quiet laughter, because the light
is part of the universe
which belongs to him.

They touch fingers and hearts
and laugh so loud it
stirs the autumn leaf-rug
that they are walking through
on their way to being one.

Sipping strong coffee,
the Camp survivor talks
and, while rubbing the number
tattooed on his arm,
laughs with the guilt of surviving.

Two veterans of different wars
remember the moments between
violence and laugh, the laughter
a memorial to friends and comrades
who did not make it through.

She wakes on an expanse of
white cotton alone at dawn.
He has gone, from the dimpled
sheets to his scent and
laughs at the freedom of it all.

I, having heard them all,
tune my guitars and place
them in a circle. I will play them
over and over until I find,
tumbled in the strings,

the one note that has the glory

Date: 2012-10-07 05:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluegerl.livejournal.com
Rather very splendid Bardi. Rather very splendid.

Date: 2012-10-07 05:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bardiphouka.livejournal.com
I was hoping you would enjoy it, coughahem

Date: 2012-10-08 09:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] keppiehed.livejournal.com
I really love the thoughtfulness exhibited in this, the sense that you have listened to the people you love in your life, that you know them so well. It is a comfort somehow, the care you have taken to observe.

Date: 2012-10-08 11:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bardiphouka.livejournal.com
I do try. Sometimes my efforts fall pretty flat, but I do try.

Date: 2012-10-09 12:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] keppiehed.livejournal.com
I'm sure that if you surround yourself with people as thoughtful as yourself, they will discern your effort and you should live a trouble-free life!

Date: 2012-10-09 12:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bardiphouka.livejournal.com
That is not always the case, for which I have nobody to blame but myself.

Editor

Date: 2012-10-11 02:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cedarwolfsinger.livejournal.com
Good morning! Wow, what a wonderful piece. I love the pictures! I am partial to the first stanza with the baby and the universe... I am also partial to the last but one and the last -- that's the way the creative musical process works. Yes, that is exactly how it works. This is wonderful. I wish I could tell you how to make it better, but I have no suggestions... Have a wonderful day!

Re: Editor

Date: 2012-10-11 11:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bardiphouka.livejournal.com
Thank you..I am glad you enjoyed

Re: Editor

Date: 2012-10-14 01:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ribcagerebel.livejournal.com
I'm your other editor. Each of the stanzas hold very strong. I especially love the pacing you did with punctuation in stanza 3 and how the words meld together in stanzas 1 & 5.

I want to suggest for stanza 2 becoming instead of being? but being one is a nice double entendre as well.

I love the contrast between the many laughs.

Re: Editor

Date: 2012-10-14 01:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bardiphouka.livejournal.com
and I am a firm believer that the more entendres the better. Actually I had toyed with becoming but decided it would be a tad trite? Thank you for the edit.

Profile

bardiphouka: (Default)
bardiphouka

May 2017

S M T W T F S
 123456
78 91011 1213
14 151617181920
21222324252627
28293031   

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 17th, 2025 03:14 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios