And we paid for the ticket

[bardiphouka]

Written for brigits_flame
genre:poetry
WC:136
Prompt: The Journey doesn't here.



When you closed the door
We did not know how far
your journey would be.

People always say
they saw the ticket in your hand;
the shining along the edge in moonlight
waiting to turn red with traveling
from here to wherever you went.

But the truth is that the night was dark
and the Guiness helped us focus
on only seeing ourselves
and the one last time
your smile tricked us
and hid the ticket's blade.

Yes, I wonder if you
are sometimes surprised
that I did not follow you
in my own journey.

But she keeps a part
of my heart hidden
and her love is soft and real
and she smiles and tricks me
into forgetting about tickets.

And teaches me of other journeys
as she opens the door
to moonlight and me.

Comments

[laviniaspeaks.livejournal.com]

But the truth is that the night was dark
and the Guiness helped us focus
on only seeing ourselves
and the one last time

love that bit. thanks for sharing!

[bluegerl.livejournal.com]

And teaches me of other journeys
as she opens the door
to moonlight and me.

Mmmmmmmmm and the mind goes soft.....

[urb-banal.livejournal.com]

I am wondering how far the journey took this person. There is a cut implied.

your smile tricked us
and hid the ticket's blade.

[bardiphouka.livejournal.com]

it was a suicide

[urb-banal.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I guessed. I am glad you had someone to keep you from following.

[keppiehed.livejournal.com]

This one is so full of murky dangerous stirrings and old grief and everything dark. It makes me sad. One of your best, I think.

[bardiphouka.livejournal.com]

I am glad you appreciate it. Although to me it does have a happy ending?

[keppiehed.livejournal.com]

But the end is the smallest part and barely worth note in an otherwise heartbreaking tale.

[bardiphouka.livejournal.com]

unlike prose, poetry often exists in the mind and heart of the reader more than what the poet intended.

Huh. An 'Edit' from Bluegerl? good greef.

[bluegerl.livejournal.com]

Oh Bardi, This isn't an edit really, how can I?

But I didn't read the ticket's edge, red with traveling, as that bad. Cos that kind of travelling does cut, cuts one off from what was, one's friends and safety...so it can be red and bloody. So sorry about the suicide.

No-one knows how far, when one closes the door, and the Guinness - well, we were all on that same road, but some drank more of pain than others perhaps? Afterward, people speak knowingly, but if they knew, perhaps they could have walked along with... Hindsight? humph.

But I love the memories, the guarding of the times when...

(I love this piece, it tells me to remember too.)

And the moonlight is a comforting carriage to travel in!!



Sorry. what a bloody awful edit! LOVE YOU!!! you gurt soppy romantic loving old Dodo.

and I am working hilariously cackling on PGW!

Re: Huh. An 'Edit' from Bluegerl? good greef.

[bardiphouka.livejournal.com]

Poems are like children. They start out meaning one thing and then take on lives of their own. Such is life in the world of stanzas.

Editor

[cedarwolfsinger.livejournal.com]

Wow. This is a very powerful piece. It hits me in my gut, and because of that I have some very strong reactions. I want to state upfront that I mean no offense by anything I say here, and if offense is taken, I hope you will take it up with me privately. (That sounds ominous, I don't want it to be, I just have very strong opinions on this topic.)

The title "And we paid for the ticket" -- I didn't really pay attention to it until I realized (I am having a slow morning, it took 3 times) that the poem is about a suicide. I think this is one of the saddest things that happen to the people in a suicide's life. We think that we are somehow responsible, that if we had only said something or something OTHER than what we said; if we had spent more time with them; if we had cared more or been more understanding they wouldn't have killed themselves.In the final analysis, however, the suicide is the only one who is responsible for that decision. I have had to hold, comfort, and counsel too many friends and family members of people who have committed suicide to be willing to believe that anyone else bought the ticket for them.

I find it interesting that the poem naturally breaks into two parts with 3 stanzas each. (I don't know if you planned it that way or if it "just happened".) The first triad is the decision of the suicide to do what he or she did. The second is the writer's decision not to follow, held by love that causes a choice that suicide is not an option. The fact that 3 is a sacred number is many spiritual traditions speaks to me of the sacred nature of the choice of death or life. The choice can hang on a blade's edge (literally and figuratively) -- as someone who has been close to suicide twice in my life, I know this to be true).

Thank you for such a stunning, sad, yet ultimately hopeful, piece.

Re: Editor

[bardiphouka.livejournal.com]

Thank you. And no, I took offense at none of it. And yes, it was intentional.