A Slight Delay

[bardiphouka]

Written for brigits_flame
Prompt=evolution
wc=138
genre=humour




Somewhere on a planet, here or somewhere else, in a galaxy around us or far,far away, was a shore line. And one day at 8:42A.M. (if time had been invented) a not quite fish hovered at the edge between water and land.

Ah yes indeed, the portents in its shadows were mighty. Evolution has to take a leap at some point, doesn't it? Today a not quite fish, but with eons and eons of descendents leading to a stoke broker or a Reality Show presenter. Which one can imagine is not really that much of a leap.

The not quite fish took what might have been a breath, felt the already overly warm Sun and decided someone else could take the blame for the future. It scuttled off happily in the water, never to be heard from again.

Comments

[bluegerl.livejournal.com]

Oh Bardi, What a wise not-quite-fish... maybe he'd sussed the quote for today... Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved! So he chose to live it!

I LOVE these little 'thoughts' you pop up! Have a good day. xxx Blue.

[bardiphouka.livejournal.com]

glad you enjoyed..although I am not quite sure what to call them.

[bluegerl.livejournal.com]

I believe you could call them 'Rhipidistia' related to the family Dipnoi... teehee. The lungfish (dipnoi) were the ones we USED to believe crawled out of the water and evoluted to a land animal etc... but now it has gone through the Ceolocanth stage and is now resting on the fins of the Rhipidistia. I like to think of this little fella having a thought balloon saying 'Sod this for a lark - I'll let some other eejit do it!'

I salute your little Rhipidistia... Your Looloo.

Your BF edit!

[keppiehed.livejournal.com]

Hello, I am one of your editors this week.

First of all, I am biting my tongue. Hard. And I'll bet you can figure out why.

Now that that's out of the way, you haven't left me much to say about content, have you? I rather think you do that on purpose because you know full well you'll get good marks in this arena, Mr. Phouka. Well, here we go. I will say that I enjoyed your parenthetical element. Normally I find them unnecessary or annoyingly overused, but yours is the perfect example of how it should be done. A tasteful aside, humorous, and you didn't go back to drain the well that served to induce a smile. Humorous because, of course, it is a statement in contrast to the one that precedes it, and so this form is the perfect way to deliver your dry humor without interrupting the flow to beat the reader over the head with it.

This was entertaining and pretty much the embodiment of the prompt. Its brevity added to its charm, and though I was left feeling cheated out of a “real” story, I do believe that is due to your talents per the proverbial “leave them wanting more” rule. So no real quibbles from me (since you left the grammar box conspicuously unchecked—ahem) and only a bit of a smile. Well done yet again.

Re: Your BF edit!

[bardiphouka.livejournal.com]

I suppose I should have ticked the grammar box, this sort of being a story. Actually I am not sure quite what it is, prose or prose poem. I am glad you enjoyed.

Editor #2

[darkspirited1.livejournal.com]

I like the simpleness of this. I'm not sure simple is really the word. It's just to the point, but it still has your voice in it.

As a reader I do trip of a few things though. It may just be but the wording of not quite fish trips me up. And something about this sentence makes it difficult to: "Today a not quite fish, but with eons and eons of descendents leading to a stoke broker or a Reality Show presenter." The second half just trips me up.

I like the last paragraph too. I like that he decided to go back down to the ocean and not be THE not quite a fish.

Re: Editor #2

[bardiphouka.livejournal.com]

Looking back at it, I think the problem is that the two halves do not connect as well as I thought they did. Thanks for pointing it out.